#AsForDynamite: Why Are We Doing This?

Hello friends. I hope this post finds you well. 

Let's talk about AEW.

A common complaint among WWE fans about AEW is that "AEW doesn't tell stories," or more precisely, that AEW tends to book random matches with no built-in backstory ahead of time. Now, usually WWE fans rank just ahead of Navy fans as far as my Personal Fucks Given Rankings (PFGR) are concerned, and indeed, many of these takes have become substantially less grounded in reality since Elon started his nominal pay-for-engagement scheme over on the former bird app. 

But it still got to me this week. 

I mean, I understand that dudes are shooting out random nonsense to try to stir engagement & get Elon's money, but this week still marked spectacularly bad story comprehension.

Living large pic.twitter.com/O1ylL1NMgy

— Three Year Letterman (@3YearLetterman) January 19, 2024

It must be said, too, that I haven't written anything on the blog here in quite some time. The blog is monetized -- far more effectively via Google ads than Elon's pay-per-post scheme, which pays hilariously little. So it was either this or a long discussion of my current training/rest cycle in the gym. 

Granted, I also could've written the legitimately long-awaited intro post on top-ranked Army Lacrosse's upcoming season over at As For Football, but fuck it. 

I just can't bring myself to actually work just yet.

But yeah, I should really be doing that instead. I know.

Why Are We Doing This?

At a certain level, asking why two guys are wrestling on a pro-wrestlinig show is like asking why two football teams are playing football on an NFL Sunday. What should we expect them to be doing? I mean, it says "wrestling" right there on the sign! 

Friends, if you go to an NFL game, you expect to see football. If you go to a pro-wrestling show, you should expect to see wrestling. This is not complicated. 

Would this Sunday's AFC Championship Game become more interesting if we learned that Patrick Mahommes and Lamar Jackson didn't like each other? Would they try harder out there, or is a chance to play in the Super Bowl already enough motivation? Reality is that they're work collegues in a union environment. Most of them are just trying to do their best at a very competitive, very violent job and not get hurt doing it. 

Within that context, of course they mostly like each other. Free agency and the trade market could make literally any two of them teammates on any given Sunday.

Same thing with pro-wrestling, really.

This Week's Card

This week's AEW Dynamite is a perfect example of how AEW is built like a sports league rather than like a soap opera. They set up almost everything on this card on AEW Collision this past Saturday, and almost none of it is built directly around personal animosity.

Adam Copeland vs. Minoru Suzuki comes from Cody Rhodes's idea that the TNT Champion should take open challenges. Copeland won the TNT Title at World's End, but then lost it less than five minutes later to his longtime friend/rival Christian in underhanded fashion. Copeland is now either trying to qualify for a rematch against Christian or perhaps uphold the honor of the title for his friend since Christian isn't taking open challenges.

AEW has made "The Cope Open" a Collision mainstay. After last week's terrific match versus Dante Martin, Copeland cut a promo saying that he'd battled a bunch of young kids in the "Open" but no vets. When would a veteran step up?

Enter Minoru Suzuki, the murder grandpa and ultimate pro-wrestling veteran.

Jeff Hardy vs. Swerve Strickland and Penta Zero Miedo vs. Hangman Adam Page both arise out of AEW's decision to go back to using a rankings system to set up their matches. Strickland and Page both want to qualify for a World Title shot against Samoa Joe. Neither of them hate Samoa Joe, but they both want to be World Champ. They therefore need quality wins over big name opponents. 

Notably, however, since Swerve holds two wins over Hangman, Hangman needs more and better wins.

Penta won recently and is very likely to be ranked this week when the initial rankings get released. Beating him, a ranked opponent, will mean more for Hangman than Swerve beating Hardy, who's a legend but not particularly successful in the wins-column as of late.

Swerve and Hangman don't like each other, adding a little juice to their race for a title shot, but beyond that, neither of these matches mark any part of a feud.

Timeless Tony Story and Deonna Purrazzo have been friends for a long time. Alas, Storm has lost her mind. Purrazzo wants to become AEW Champion -- obviously -- and if she can beat some sense into her friend at the same time, that would be great. Meanwhile, Storm has implied -- twice -- that she actually wants to fuck Purrazzo after their match, which has been hilarious.

Is Storm's character bisexual, or is she losing her mind, or is this maybe some kind of Hollywood-based sexual power play? 

This whole thing is probably the most "soap opera" aspect of AEW currently, but if it's anything, it's some kind of weird-ass rom-com.

THIS WEDNESDAY! #AEWDynamite@enmarketarena | Savannah, GA LIVE 8pm ET/7pm CT | TBS

After weeks of taunting & verbal exchanges, @DeonnaPurrazzo will stand face-to-face with the #AEW Women's World Champion "Timeless" #ToniStorm pic.twitter.com/5383hvD9JI

— All Elite Wrestling (@AEW) January 22, 2024

The Mogul Embassy just lost the ROH Trio's Championships to Bullet Club Gold, who in turn just formed a super-faction with The Acclaimed. So the Mogul Embassy is an obvious top-contender for the AEW Trio's Titles, and in a larger sense, all of this appears to be building towards a Trio's Titles Unification Match between The Acclaimed and BCG.

Sting's Last Match will occur at Revolution, and since the Young Bucks are Executive Vice Presidents at AEW, they booked themselves to face him and Darby Allin in that match.

I have no idea if Sting will play up the abuse-of-power angle inherent in this story. It's been widely reported that *he* requested to work with the Bucks in his last match, and indeed, the Bucks' promo last week talked more about protecting AEW from veteran has-beens than it talked about their power within the company. We'll see. I suspect Sting will note that he's never lost a match in AEW, and that he plans to go out on top.

Wardlow vs. Trent Beretta is the only truly random match on this card. Like Hangman and Swerve, Wardlow wants to qualify for a title shot against Samoa Joe, and Beretta won recently, so maybe this will be considered a quality win for MJF's former strong arm. 

Personally, I think it would be more interesting to see Beretta go over, setting up an International Title Shot against the winner of Orange Cassidy vs. Roddy Strong at Revolution, but I very much doubt that's what will happen.

That's AEW's card for this week's Dynamite. What are your questions?

* * *

We'll close this week with my new Sammy Hagar "Van Halen Tribute" playlist. Hagar is headed out on tour this year with Joe Satriani, Michael Anthony, and Jason Bonham for what they're calling a "Van Halen Tribute Tour." 

For those who haven't followed Hagar since he left Van Halen, that lineup is either Chickenfoot with Jason Bonham on drums or The Circle with Satriani on guitar in lieu of Vic Johnson. Regardless, this is as close as anyone is gonna get to the original Van Halen lineup given that Eddie has passed, Alex doesn't appear to want to tour anymore, and David Lee Roth's voice has been shot for while now. 

What can you do? 

Having seen The Circle this past year, I can tell you that they let longtime backup vocalist Michael Anthony sing whatever Roth songs they play. Anthony does pretty good. 

Anyway, here's the playlist, complete with a bunch of live cuts from Chickenfoot. I really hope they play "My Kind of Girl" this summer. I liked a lot of what Chickenfoot did.