Welp. You won. Laugh it up. Call me a libtard. Whatever. It's fine, really. In many ways I'd prefer it if we could be enemies because at least then I'd feel good about the way that I'm feeling right now.
I posted this earlier today, but truth is, I'm having a little trouble taking my own advice.
Today’s challenge:
— Danno E. Cabeza (@DannoECabeza) November 6, 2024
• If you won, don’t be an asshole.
• If you lost, don’t give in to despair.
We can only control our own attitudes & actions, & how we treat each other. But that stuff still really matters.
What bothers me isn't so much that Trump won, because that was always at least very likely. What bothers me is that shitloads of people proactively, enthusiastically chose him even when they knew what he's done, what he is, and what this future is likely going to mean. And they didn't care. In so doing, they proactively rejected me personally and everything that I believe. Maybe that's not how it was intended, but that's sure as Hell how it came across. That's how I feel.
So I really hate you right now. From the bottom of my heart and the inky depths of my soul.
I'm not sure what you people are expecting, either, but I know what *I* am expecting, and friends, it is NOT GOOD. We can discuss it in two years, maybe, and if I'm wrong, we'll all just laugh at what a libtard I am. But truthfully, I'm rarely wrong about this stuff.
What can you do?
I just don't understand people. I always feel like this at a certain level, but I feel it more profoundly today than I think I've ever felt it in my entire life. We moved around a lot growing up, so I always kind of felt out of place given that wherever we were, we'd only just gotten there, and nobody knew me. I never knew what to expect or how to feel about... anything. I never felt like I fit in. On top of which, I mean, I don't talk about this very much, but being a genius can be very isolating. I'm aware that I just don't see the world the same way most other people do. I've known that for a very long time.
We just don't see eye-to-eye. We never will. You don't get me, I don't get you, and sometimes I feel like we'd both be better off if we saw less of each other, forever and ever, amen.
All of which has left me feeling like an alien in my own country. To the point that I actually bought a Connecticut state flag today. I plan to replace my American flag with a flag that I actually believe in. I mean, I'm not going to throw my West Point ring into the Hudson River, but only because I *earned* that ring, and I'll be damned if you're going to make me renounce something that I won for myself. I still can't help feeling like Duty has become a burden, Honor an expectation that only ever goes one way, and Country a place I've never underestood, whose actions I rarely agree with and often don't want to endorse.
Who are we trying to be here? Is THIS our best self, truly?
I'm at work today because people need me. We'll continue As For Football because sponsors and patrons have paid us for our time. Right now, though, I feel like I need a day, and that if I can also punish you while I take a beat for myself, I should at least consider it. I'm aware that this is not a great headspace, but right now... Man, I don't care.
Anyway. I've decided to identify as a New Englander rather than as an American. At least for today. I say this not out of some sort of anti-patriotism or national loathing but because I just don't belong in America writ-large. Not anymore. I may still have a place in New York and Connecticut, but right now, my feeling of belonging has become strictly local. I'm not who you wanted me to be, and the feeling is mutual.
We'll see how long that lasts.
Today's music recommendation is Red, White, and Bruised by The Midnight. It's a live album about leaving Middle America for greener pastures and about the joys of being a part of the weirdo Coastal Elite.
I wish you all the best, but I also hope that I never see you again.
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