People keep saying that this was the worst year ever. From a certain point of view, that’s probably right. We’ve all struggled with a global pandemic that’s killed hundreds of thousands here in the U.S. and which the country itself has wholly failed to confront on any kind of serious, rational basis. We’ve all been trapped in our homes, and like you, I’ve watched my kids struggle with the isolation of remote-schooling and quarantine. We went through months and months where we didn’t even have sports to distract us, and even now, we still can’t actually go out to anything, save in limited, inherently isolating ways. We suffered through race riots, war scares, and an economic collapse that, let’s be honest, may yet get exponentially worse. My own wife lost her job this year -- twice -- and my favorite professional wrestler just died.
I gotta be honest, though. I’m trying to keep it all in perspective.
I got divorced in 1999, developed insomnia, got deployed to Korea, and wound up working Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day, and New Year’s Day enroute to an Iron Man tour that at least set me up with one Hell of a lot of terminal leave. We drank so much, so often during that year that my best friend decided to go to Special Forces selection just because I think he realized that the prep would give us both something to do that was at least a little less self-destructive overall.
I got home in 2000 to find both my parents struggling with substance abuse, watched my dad get fired -- again, twice -- because he could neither control his drinking nor his temper, watched as he went through prostate cancer, got my own dream job and was then laid off from it, and wound up moving to New York City just in time to watch 9/11 firsthand from the helpless safety of a wooden outdoor patio on the Queens side of the East River.
For all our trials and tribulations in 2020, I at least have my own life and my own family. We’ve survived and even thrived on the basis of a handful of good decisions we made some 20+ years ago. We put in the work when we had the chance, and we were lucky enough to have at least some of it pay off when we needed it to. So yeah, 2020 has sucked, but I’ve at least had something to fall back on. Sally and I have been in a position to weather the worst of the storm and to keep our family safe from the rain.
That’s not nothing.
2020 had its moments. My daughter applied to and was accepted by three of her four top colleges with one notification pending. She’s reached a point where she feels empowered to make her own decisions, and against all odds, I find that I trust her judgement. My wife has lost jobs, yes, but she also built her own fully-functional fitness studio right in our garage, and although I don’t necessarily think she’s a born entrepreneur, I do think she’ll make a go of it. It’s definitely not nothing that we were in a position to help her forge her own destiny. I worry most about my younger daughter, but she’s not struggling in any way that’s abnormal for a fifteen-year-old trapped in the house with her parents all the time. It sucks, but y’know, at least she has enough to eat and two parents to love her. Like I said, that’s not nothing.
So yeah. I’m ready to turn the page. But I’m also humbled and grateful for the many, many opportunities we’ve had in this life. Especially in this, the craziest year most folks have ever seen.
* * *
I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. I set goals. My goals for 2020 were as follows:
1. Watch less bad football.
2. Care less about things I cannot control.
3. Ski more.
4. Continue living locally.
5. Finish drafting something that's not in any way related to As For Football.
Against all odds, I actually got through all of that at some level. 2020 kind of put a damper on social engagements within our local community, and the only thing I wrote from scratch was a new Sneax short story for the (perhaps) forthcoming anthology collection, “Tales from the Tipsy Mermaid.” But I’ll take it. It’s harder than it looks.
Honestly, I give myself major props for cutting the New York Giants loose amid the chaos of the Daniel Jones era, and I give myself even more props for finding some peace on the ski slopes of Vermont last winter following Army Football’s dismal 2019 campaign.
Seriously, though, Jones really sucks a lot!
* * *
I’ve got a few more goals this year, mostly writing-related.
1. Have more patience with my kids.
At 17, Hannah’s reached the age where I started trying to quit my parents. My own folks were such jerks after a certain point, and then I got my appointment to West Point and realized that I no longer needed anything from them.
It didn’t happen overnight, but eventually, I let them go.
I don’t want that to happen with my own kids. But it’s a struggle because honestly no one can piss you off like your own children. I see so much of both the best and the worst of myself when I look at them, and I try to be relentlessly disciplined and uncompromising with myself. Alas, that’s not always the right answer with one’s children.
I need to take more deep breaths and just let stuff go. Either the girls make the right choices, or they don’t, but either way, I’ll still be their father. Sally will still be their mother. If we’ve raised them right, that will be enough.
2. Launch the CFB Roundtable podcast
I recently changed my title over at AFF, going from Senior Writer to Editor. With that, we’ve been letting more folks write columns, which I hope in turn will allow me enough time to get the CFB Roundtable podcast back off the ground.
We’ve got to grow because Army’s fanbase is only so big. Roundtable is the first step in what I hope will eventually lead to some new opportunities.
We’ve redone the podcast’s format for the New Year, and in fact, you can listen to the trial run we made a few weeks ago over at AFF’s Patreon page. The full podcast should be on iTunes, etc., next year -- assuming we get it off the ground. It still feels like there’s a Hell of a lot of work to do to make it all happen, though.
3. Ski 10 times this season
Three down; seven to upcoming. Can I get some more snow up in Vermont, though?
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| Skiing in a cloud. Taken on the Jackson-Gore face at Okemo. |
4. Play more Dungeons & Dragons
I love D&D, but I play maybe twice a year with my kids. I find that frustrating and would like to start some kind of adult gaming group during college football’s offseason. However, I’m not exactly sure how to do it. I’m also not sure if I’ll have time while working on various writing projects.
It may sound stupid, but this is probably the hardest of my goals this year.
5. Finish rewriting SBRLLR & do something with the new draft
Yeah, I started rewriting my memoir. Again. Mostly to fix scene and sequel structure. It’s kind of a subtle edit, but I think it will make a profound difference in the story’s overall readability. If I can get anyone to read it, that is.
I’ve been thinking about releasing the new (final) draft as either a free e-book or as a weekly podcast. No idea who will care about that, but AFF’s growth this season makes me wonder if maybe this story might find a larger audience. Help me build my personal brand, etc. Anyway, I’ve dumped so much time into this thing that it now feels a little hard to let it go.
6. Finish drafting “Tales from the Tipsy Mermaid”
I should’ve put this first, but instead it’s sitting here at the bottom. I really, really want to finish the third Sneax & Elain Emboo story, “Sneakatara Boatman & the Mystery of Mordecai’s Monster”. It’s been sitting unfinished on my hard drive for five years! I just need to -- finally -- write that damned third act. I even know how it’s supposed to go. Then I’ll package it with a bunch of other short stories, and viola! “Tales from the Tipsy Mermaid”.
“Tipsy Mermaid” will be twice as long as my last three books. If I ever get it done…
Happy New Year, friends. Let’s kick 2021 in the ass!
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