Sunday, September 6, 2020

Quick Thoughts: All-Elite Wrestling’s All-Out PPV

I’m gonna keep this quick because there are already a half-million takes on All-Out out there, and I can already tell you that the very last thing anyone needs is another Internet smark’s interpretation of anything.  I watched the show sitting next to my 15-year-old daughter Emma, and if there’s one thing that experience taught me, it’s that some of y’all read too much Internet before you turn on a pay-per-view.  Because Emma’s reactions and some of y’all’s reactions were so diametrically opposed that y’all are clearly wrong.

They say “the economy is not the stock market, and the stock market is not the economy.”  The same is true of Twitter.  It’s not really reflective of popular opinion; it’s reflective of a certain echo-chamber slice of popular opinion.  Hence people getting off Twitter for two weeks and -- consistently -- talking about what a life-changing experience it was.

Some of this stuff was only good or bad because one has a very particular view when one’s head is stuffed that firmly up one’s own ass.

The Buy-In

I really wanted the Dark Order to beat Private Party, and for a minute there I thought that might happen.  I genuinely believed that AEW might push the entire faction coming off the TNT Title match from a few weeks ago.

Alas.


Tooth & Nail Match

Neither Emma nor I have much cared for this feud, and indeed, I spent most of this “match” getting our hamburgers onto and then back off of the grill.  I’m glad they played it for comedy, though, because the entire feud has been ridiculous from jump.  I like ridiculous to a certain degree, but I’m also ready to turn the page on this one.


Casino Battle Royal

I’ve seen people hating on this match, but we all really liked it.  My wife and her friend came over when it was on, and everybody popped for all the big spots.  It stinks that Darby Allin got hurt -- again -- but what can you do when a guy zips himself into a body bag full of tacks and then gets thrown head-first over the top rope.  That was dumb.  The latent tacks in the ring afterwards became an interesting part of the match, however, and the fact that Lance Archer wound up winning this match with several tacks stuck into his shoulders and back was not lost on anyone at my house.

I love Lance Archer.  Kill everyone, Lance!

I still would have preferred a proper PPV payoff for Best Friends vs. Santana and Ortiz and a different PPV payoff for Darby vs. Absolute Ricky Starks, but they made this work, and since the event itself was already nearly four hours, I get why they went this way with it.  I still think Best Friends vs. Santana and Ortiz has gotten shortchanged, though, especially after the thing with Sue’s van.  That shit was brilliant!

By the way, I really thought Eddie Kingston was gonna win this match, setting up Kingston vs. MJF for the title at the next PPV.  We all see how that also would have been amazing, right?  Young mastermind vs. old?

Eh.  See what I mean about having your heads up your asses?


Hikaru Shida vs. Thunder Rosa

My wife and her friend were both still out for this one, and they both wanted Thunder Rosa from jump.  She struck all of us as the better wrestler here.


Matt Hardy vs. Sammy Guevara (Broken Rules Match)

The only thing wrong with this match was that Hardy made it a retirement match, so then they had to find a way for him to win it.  

And why? 

Jericho just spent three months putting over Orange Cassidy.  What the Hell is Matt Hardy doing that’s so important he can’t put over Sammy Guevara? 


Jurassic Express vs. The Young Bucks

I really enjoyed this one.  It was maybe my favorite of the night, honestly.  If it was me, though, I probably would have put this on the Buy-In in order to shorten the show overall.  Plus, it was such an electric match that giving it away for free probably would have drawn a few impulse buys.  

AEW is still trying to grow the audience, right?

Also: if you’re an EVP and you’ve spent an entire year putting other people over before -- finally -- pivoting to the story arc that’s going to see you put the tag titles on yourselves, I think as a matter of leadership, you start that process from the very, very bottom of the card.

I’ve been impressed with the way the Elite have booked themselves to put over the other talent on their roster, but this one time, they didn’t quite pull the trigger in a spot where they badly needed to.


The Dark Order vs. the Nightmare Family

This would’ve worked better with Cody, and worse, Scorpio Sky still barely did anything, which is becoming a serious problem.  Booking the super-happy finish was fine in theory, but they booked it around Dustin Rhodes, and Dustin’s not over enough right now for that to work.  If the faces were gonna win, then Sky should’ve gotten that pin.

I mean, yeah, Dustin’s gonna wrestle for the TNT title Wednesday.  Great.  Does anybody out there think he’s gonna win that thing?


Chris Jericho vs. Orange Cassidy

My favorite match of the night by a mile.


Kenny Omega and Adam Page vs. FTR

I didn’t love this match, but my daughter Emma absolutely melted down with anxiety while it was on, which tells me that it worked wonders for the non-cynics out there.  Personally, I kind of hated that I knew how it was gonna finish.  For my daughter, though, this was The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise.

Long-term, Emma’s is the more important viewpoint.


Jon Moxley vs. MJF

We were both so tired by the time this came on that I don’t think we fully appreciated what we were watching.  The storytelling here was fantastic, but by 11:40, I just wanted to get some sleep.  Honestly, I can’t wait to go back and rewatch this match -- and a few others.  This match and a few others suffered at my house from coming at the end of a long day.


That's all I've got.  What do say? 

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