A friend of mine posted an article out of the NYT today on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) that I think is interesting. The article makes the point that today's young Americans are a trophy generation, used to being placed into circumstances where nobody loses and nothing ever goes wrong, and then they get a trophy at the end just for participating. And I suppose I see the point in that statement, but I also think it probably only applies in selected cases. I mean, that's certainly true for most upper-middle class white kids. But having walked and ridden through Harlem almost daily for the past two years, I can tell you that the city kids aren't getting an excess of either praise or trophies, and more to the point, they're the ones who're are FAR more likely to join the Army.
Be that as it may, the point of the article is that being mentally and emotionally resilient is at some level a state of mind. You have to learn to focus on the positive, not obsess over potential negative outcomes, and basically learn to believe that This Too Shall Pass. And that's fine. I think it's great that the Army is trying to teach people to overcome their adversities, especially given the unprecedented number of times they're sending their people into harm's way these days. With that said, I think it's worth asking how this stuff applies in real life too.
Personally, I've been struggling a little bit lately. I mean, I feel a little like a thoroughbred racehorse. When I'm on top of my game, well, that's been pretty good. I got the best evaluation of my professional career--of any of my careers--last month, and I expect to do fairly well at raise time next month, and basically, there's not a lot that I can complain about these days professionally. When the crisis happened yesterday, I can say without exaggeration that I was a significant part of making sure that no one ever noticed. Especially considering that I'm an historian working as an electrical engineer, I feel like I'm respected at work and that what I say matters. I feel like folks think I'm a smart guy, and that's no mean thing, all things considered. Moreover, after about seven weeks of concerted effort, I finally feel like I've got my riding fitness back. In fact, physically, I feel great most of the time. I'm running well, riding well, and swimming well, and (finally) sleeping a little better.
But.
I also feel like the slightest thing pushes me over the emotional cliff right now. And I can't find much of a reason for it. I mean, yeah, yesterday was a tough day. But it was by no means the toughest day ever. And yet, there I was, thinking, "Wow. This is my life, and since my folks died so young... Man, it's almost over for me. And what do I have to show for it?"
The NYT article talks about folks who experience stress now and folks who experience it later. I'm definitely in the Later camp. I'm great in a crisis. But a month afterwards... watch out.
I don't know. I guess what I'm saying here is that all the crap with my mom and my dad and my grandfather... That stuff all happened about a year ago, and it's only now (finally) catching up to me. I feel like I've put off dealing with it for so long, but now I don't have much choice. However, I do know that I need to find some more of that resiliency for myself because what I've got now is no good. I mean, yeah, it's great to be good in a crisis. But I also want to be good for my wife and my kids on a lazy Saturday morning.
Eh... Maybe the problem is that we just haven't had enough lazy Saturdays lately. But this particular one has been pretty nice. I road thirty miles with one of the guys from my triathlon team this morning--and he smoked me!--and I've now been sitting here banging away on this for some twenty minutes. Life's not bad. But like they say in the article--and like I always tell my wife--you have to be smart enough to know when you've got it good. And that's a challenge for everybody, not just soldiers.
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