Seriously though... argh.
This idea that all men will literally sleep with anyone is insane. I feel like this woman has maybe never met a legitimately successful man. I'm talking here about a guy with a decent job, his own place, health insurance, and an actual workout plan.
Those guys are not on Tinder.
I joke with people by saying that I'm an expert at marriage because I've been married twice. I don't know that anybody's actually an expert, but I will say that both of my marriages have been reasonably happy, though the first one was actually not a good idea as it turned out. Even so, it's not like we were miserable. We just wanted different things out of life and realized it before we got to the point of throwing plates at each other -- or hiring lawyers.
We were young and stupid. That's okay. I don't blame myself. I'm actually pleased to have ended things amicably before we'd gone through ten years of prolonged frustration. Moreover, I've now been married to one of the world's most beautiful women -- no really; that's literally true -- for more than seventeen years. That's actually been tougher in a lot of ways, but we're making it work. For all of our faults, I know that we have a happy family. I also know better than to take that for granted.
So. If you want dating advice from a guy who's been married to one of Planet Earth's legitimately most beautiful women for seventeen years, here it is:
Do what you like to do. The people you find there, the ones who also like doing that thing, those folks make up your actual dating pool. Spend your time with them.
The obvious corollary is that if you have no interests and do nothing but work and/or sit in your room all day, you're already a miserable human being because you yourself are your own biggest problem.
I met Sally at a running club in Hoboken. Seventeen-plus years later, she's still the biggest advocate for my swimming and my skiing and all the rest of my crazy-ass hobbies. That's not an accident, nor was it a coincidence. We both happen to like doing the same things, and as it happens, that's really, really important.
Part of what makes dating a challenge in the modern age is the apps. We get this sense that if we just tweak the algorithm correctly, we'll find that Perfect Person. But the truth is that none of us are perfect, and anyway, part of the human condition is that we love that into which we pour our effort. This is why West Pointers all love West Point. That school is really hard! You pour that much of yourself into something for four years, and you'll come away thoroughly invested in it. That's just how humans are wired. Ditto for raising kids. It's so much work that your kids become a big part of who you yourself are. That's human nature.
Marriage is the same way, with the caveat that it's super-easy to take our partners for granted over time. We think, "This is my wife. She should totally understand..." But if we make that choice often enough, we're pouring your effort -- and therefore our love -- into other things.
No one wants to be someone else's fourth or fifth priority.
Where we put our effort, our love will follow. If you find someone who likes doing the things that you do, who also understands that you won't tolerate being last on their list of important things, you're probably doing okay.
Do yourself a favor and realize when you've got a good thing going.
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