"I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, cant-live-without-each-other love."
— Naomi (@MissSmeghead) December 7, 2013
You may find that, but it doesn't come cheaply or easily. Truth is, our love follows our effort. People love their kids because of a burst of oxytocin at birth, yes, but also because kids are so much damned work that it's hard to walk away from that kind of commitment, no matter how hard your heart.
Unfortunately, the reverse is too often true for adult relationships. We want the connection to be metaphysical and instanteous. We want it to click and be easy. It isn't. Not because attraction is fleeting or because the thrill of the chase fades. Because the world is complicated, we have to work if we want to eat, and we have to take the kids to soccer practice or singing lessons. We get exhausted, and then the simplest answer is too often to push one's partner off until tomorrow.
As humans, we live life in moments. It's possible to work today to achieve our ends tomorrow, but that choice comes with costs. If you are unable to make your spouse the most important person, place, or thing in your life, then what is that saying about the state of your love? How is that love "inconvenient, consuming, cant-live-without-each-other love"? This is why love is work. Not because people--even our best friends--can be pains in our ass. Rather, because making love work requires making love a priority.
We live in a busy world with a lot of distractions. Fact is, lots of folks just aren't up to the commitment love requires.
As an aside, I didn't realize that the quote above was from an episode of "Sex in the City" until after I had this response written.