Friday Mad Science: Seamus Romney Edition

Seamus Romney in happier times.

Y’know, I’ve given this some thought, and I finally think I understand why Republicans aren’t voting for Mitt Romney.  It’s not because he’s a Mormon, and it’s not because he’s a political weathervane.  It’s because he is a complete fucking asshole.  To wit, look how he treats his dog.  He put the poor bastard in a crate on his car’s roof rack and then drove all the way to Canada with him like that.  He then he had the temerity to claim that the dog actually liked it up there, and this despite reports that the dog had uncontrolled diarrhea during the trip and then ran away rather than get back in the crate mid-trip!  Now look, I don’t know if you’ve ever had a dog, but if you have, you probably know at least one thing about dogs, and it’s this: it takes a HELL OF A LOT to make a dog actually run away from its family in the middle of a totally unfamiliar piece of territory.  I mean, good God.  I’d actually considered voting for Romney in the general were he to win the nomination, but there is just no way in Hell I’ll do it now.  A guy with so little empathy that he can actually strap his very own family dog to his car’s luggage rack simply cannot be trusted with the responsibility of deploying soldiers to defend our nation’s overseas interests.  It’s obvious that he’ll waste lives to no purpose—and likely not even feel bad about it afterwards. 

Bottom line, if you can’t empathize with your own family dog, why in Hell should I think you’re going to give two figs for some poor bastard from West Virginia who only enlisted for the college money?

Answer: I don’t think that.  In fact, I’m starting to expect we’d hear some variation on Marie Antoinette on this whole issue.  To wit: “Why join the Army?  Why not just have your family liquidate some of its portfolio holdings and pay for college that way?”

This is why “Fuck you, I’m keeping mine” fails as a political philosophy.  Because the candidates you get who’d actually say something like that and mean it are likely to be the same people that think it’s a good idea tie their dogs to the luggage racks of their cars.  I mean, look, it’s not the complicated.  The Republicans basically wanted the meanest candidates in America, and… Tada!  That’s what they got.

And that's all I've got time for today.  Have a good weekend!